So I'm the...

I'm the stolen soldier. The soldier that measures himself not by the steps he takes, but by the steps he can take after he's taken his last.

I'm the foregone conclusion. I'm what's still fighting after everyone has decided it's over.

I'm the hate. I'm the hate that hates to does anything but love.

I'm the hero. I'm the hero that fights the fights that need fighting, not just the fights that I can win.

I'm the sharpshooter. I'm the one that refuses to miss by sheer will.

I'm the poet. The one that tries, but still enjoys his own prose even if no one else does. Or enjoys it even if it was written while he was really "really" drunk.

But if you got this far.

You are the reader, that really needs something else to do.

So I'm drunk...

but no one cares... so it's okay

So this is a test...

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So I'm Thinking...

So I'm thinking that the way to understand my life is through a quippy song, or through some endlessly clever slogan pushed upon us by the beer companies. I learned tonight that it's something much more insane. Understanding my life is better done thought a first generation American, or second generation German.

My problems

I don't share my feelings

I need to work on my confidence.

I need to stop working ONLY for accolades.

I need to get out and make an effort.

I shouldn't categorize people.

I need to share with the people close to me.

I need to stop analyzing

Don't use others as a fall back

Let things go

Don't care what people think.

Stop assuming blame.

See people as a whole.

And most of all, I've got time to do it, to keep me

from doing it my entire life.


This is what an exhausted, bi polar, Post traumatic stress disordered, with generalized anxiety, and panic attacks with agoraphobic has to do to get his life straightened out. It's sad, it seems so obvious now.

::Slaps forehead::

So... From My Archives

This Just In.

Glucose, NV. Associated press.

General Mills spokesperson Lucky (L.C.) the Leprechaun, has filed a class action lawsuit against cartoon kids, including such charges as theft, stalking, kidnapping, and harassment as the primary focus. The class action lawsuit includes such other famous cereal characters as the "Trix" rabbit, Sonny the Cuckoo Bird, and Toucan Sam. Local cereal union #302 is expected to announce their inclusion later today. The #302 is known for holding such high power members as Count Chocula, Booberry, Frankenberry and Yummy Mummy.

"It's high time were treated with some respect, respect that every individual should be allowed in conjunction with his inalienable rights," said Toucan Sam. Toucan is a well spoken individual, who has taken up primary media attention for the cereal spokes members.

Lucky, the General Mills spokesman who was born in 1964, added, "With all the obvious evidence against these children, you think someone would have done something by now. I know you have all seen it, and no one thought to do anything? This is unacceptable, I bet all of America, and the other parts of the world where our violence has been witnessed, everyone just sits around and laughs, thinking it's no big difference becuase they aren't people anyway. Where are here to tell you that were tired of it. It's time for us to regain our dignity."

In an emotional display the Trix rabbit spoke out. "I've been around since 1959, and in all that time, I have been beaten, harassed, and suffered numerous indignities as the hands of cartoon children not even a quarter of my age." Mr. Rabbit broke into heavy sobs as he forced out, "I just want a bite, A BITE, is that to much to ask?" He then returned to the comfort of his den to be with his cereal friends and cereal family.

"Granted we have always tried to share our cereal with children through out the years, such as how I share my frosted flakes with kids, and how Buzz Bee shares so kindly with children, but do they share back, no," said Tony the Tiger. "How they treat us cereal spokesmen is atrocious, and they have to resort to humiliation, or even worse theft. That's why today, Chip the Cookie Hound, and Cookie Crisp Crook, are doing a nickel a piece up at Joliet. This must stop."

Lucky then added, "There Magically Delicious."

So... Sorry about my previous profile pic.

Sorry about my previous profile pic, to anyone that had to witness it. :S didn't think i would be leaving messages on other peoples blogs.... Secondly I didn't know it posted my pic of my "flipping the bird."

Mister Marcus

So... There is is

BAM, there it is. In response to previous post. Woot. I'm sure this is a Disney Copyright, but I'm believe how I'm using it falls under the "fair usage" laws. Any requests from a Disney affiliate and I'll remove it freely. But again. Bam.

Image credited to http://www.disneyfriends.net/bugslife/

Picture borrowed but not linked directly, so I don't use their bandwidth.

Mister Marcus

So... I need something funny here

I need something to continuously be funny, and actually entertain at the top, so people would read more, and think that this is more than the nonsensical ramblings of a loudmouthed malcontent. Please inquire within with suggestions.

Mister Marcus

So... It doesn't matter

So it doesn't matter whether it's four weeks or four years, you're at where you're at now, and when you leave will people think it's a better place for you having been there?

Gotta do what you gotta, with what you got, where you got it.

Mister Marcus

So... For the record,

P.S. Just so you know

Not everyone is Texas loves George W. Bush, or a right wing fanatical zealot. It's a big fucking state, and he's got like what, an 8% approval rating. To expand on that, if you're from another country, about 90% of us are sorry. Yes, we know he's still in office. No, we can't remove him right away, that's the way our government works. Yes, we'll do better next time. No, the majority of us aren't the type of Americans you see on the news, as I'm sure you probably aren't the type of foriegners we see.

M.M.

P.P.S. Feel free to cap this off with some humorous, predujicial joke of your own about foriengers, or Americans.

So, what ever happened too...

So, what ever happened to our hope in our leaders. We've come a long way from the people that we used to look up to. We've replaced our Washingtons, Lincolns, Edisons, and Benjamin Franklins's with Bush, Clintons, and Gores. We haven't even had any Einstein's, Mandela's, Kings, or J.F.Kennedy's. No more Ghandi's, Sitting Bulls, Aurelius', Muhammad's, Churchhills, FDR's, Lombardi's, or Macarthers.

Not even any Han Solo's.

You know what all the people shared, that we no longer see. Accountability. You just don't get that anymore. A lack of true leaders only perpetuates the cycle in the people they lead, thus the name "leader." Granted, it's easier to take credit for when you've done great things, especially in retrospect, but even a great person can be great in admitting failure. You don't ever get to see that anymore.

Would you remember Oliver North, if he had not said,

“I am here to accept responsibility for that which I did. I will not accept responsibility for that which I did not do.”

“I came here to tell you the truth, the good, the bad and the ugly.”

Or, "I never considered myself a fall guy. I know what I did. I know why I did it. I'm not ashamed of it."

Thinking of all this, maybe I should take fault, and go correct some mistakes of my own right now.

Mister Marcus

So... I after reading through my posts

I thought I should elaborate.

I'm in a four year, Texas State University, for psychology. I'm no longer on any kind of probation, and I'm no longer a felon. I'm just a weak old, misdemeanor kinda guy.

I'm still somewhat on tilt. I talk to few people from where I used to live, or where i got in trouble at.

I'm smoking again. I'm clean, and for those that go to NA, i'm not clean, I drink. I've got new sheets on my bed.

I'm failing in my beliefs that people in general are "decent."

I do something everyday, something very special, and very out of my way, that will make someones day, week, or month, regardless of thier decency.

I dont' believe in organized religion, but am agnostic. (if more than 5 people believe in something, it has to be wrong.) I smell broccoli. I will survive, (as long as I know how to love, i will stay alive) I still game. (video)

I'm an ex felon, and my sis is a lawyer, my ex best friend is a cop.

I'm sane, my ex's aren't.

I refuse to watch any television shows that are weekly episodes, I'm that impatient. I still love movies. I still love quotes. I play a lot of pokerstars.

I still live in a hellish nightmare, but I refuse to quit trying to make things better.

So things are better.

Mister Marcus

So... it's been a while... again.

Like two years since my last post. My sister is fine. Thanks for anyone that cared. She's a lawyer now, and that is more disturbing than anything I could imagine.

Someone random brought me back to this page, cause it's the only pic I have always on file. Things have changed tho. I'm a kindly recluse, and working on that. "M" and I have taken our ways apart.

And, Sooo, i've been writing. I just finished a 260 single spaced, (in word perfect) series book. It will go nowhere, as many a better authors book does, and i have to say, I'm proud to have written it. Re'reading it for grammar is painful. I don't usually laugh at my own work, but It's funny.

Whether it's funny, cause I think it's funny, or cause i'm laughing at myself, is to be determined. But it's a laugh all the same.

Gotta go, cats clawing my leg.

Mister Marcus